Guilty Conscience
by jewel21
Summary: An unforeseeable event sends Trey and Seth back to Orange County.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Guilty Conscience

Author: Jewel21

Rating : R

Show : The O.C.

Genre: Angst/Slash

Pairing: Seth/Trey

Type: WIP

Summary: An unforeseeable event sends Trey and Seth back to Orange County.

A/N: This story is AU and contains slash. If you are offended by such pairings, please don't read. This story also follows after my other story 'Guilty Pleasures.' I would suggest reading that first to better understand this story.

Special thanks goes out to my betas, Scarlet and Black_London.

Oh, and reviews are very much appreciated. Seriously, they are like crack to me. Please don't deny me my fix ;)

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Disclaimer: I don't own The OC. It belongs to a bunch of people I don't know and Fox.

**Chapter 1**

It was the sound of Seth snuffling loudly in his sleep that woke Trey. Blinking, Trey twisted his head to squint at the alarm clock on the bedside table behind him, the blue numbers reading 5:35 AM. He groaned softly in protest. He had another hour before he needed to be up for work at the local garage a few blocks away from the apartment he shared with Seth in Rhode Island. Seth had class this morning and he had to be up in forty-five minutes. Trey knew he needed to take advantage of the few minutes he had left before Seth awoke and subjected Trey to his usual morning racket as he got ready. There was always some sort of drama surrounding Seth's departure. Missing assignments. Shoes that somehow managed to migrate during the night to some random room in the apartment. The occasional smoke alarm blaring in angry protest as a piece of toast, blackened beyond all recognition, got stuck in the toaster - something that happened far too often for Trey to fully comprehend.

Laying his head back down, Trey stared at Seth who had managed to once again plaster himself along his side. It didn't matter if Seth somehow managed to fall asleep on his side of the bed, sometime during the night he'd always migrate over to Trey's side. Arms and legs wrapped around Trey in a vice-like grip. It still amused him that for such a skinny kid, Seth could be freakishly strong when need be.

The room was mostly dark except for where a small beam of sunlight shone through the tiny gap in the heavy curtains, cutting a path across the bed and highlighting the smooth skin of Seth's back and sheet covered ass. Seth's moist breath tickled along his neck and shoulders and he could feel the heat from Seth's body where their skin touched. Trey shifted over a little to get a better glimpse noticing that Seth's eyes were closed. Long dark lashes framed his cheeks, his hair a mop of sleep-tousled dark curls that begged for someone to touch them. Trey swallowed heavily.

When he had gone briefly to stay with Ryan and the Cohen's over a year ago, he had never imagined that he would wind up falling for Seth of all people. Mostly because despite some indiscretions when he was behind bars, Trey had always considered himself straight. When he'd come out of jail those first few days, he had felt disoriented and overwhelmed. He had wanted nothing more than to go out, drink, fuck, maybe even race some cars. Except he knew that way led to nothing but trouble. He'd been in trouble before. Nothing huge but he'd had to do juvie a couple of times and both times he'd gone a little wild after being released, done some stupid things as a result of his new found freedom that almost landed him back in trouble again. He'd promised himself after the car incident that had landed his ass in jail and Ryan with the Cohens, that he wouldn't be that dumb again. That once released he'd actually be smart, turn his life around.

And he'd been trying ever since.

Seth was as much a distraction for him that summer as a fixation. At first he was merely bored and horny, too much time locked up in a cell with only his right hand for comfort. But that had quickly changed. Somehow Seth had managed to get under his skin and he had found himself genuinely liking him. He was cute, smart and funny in a self-deprecating way. And he hadn't expected or demanded anything of Trey which had been both a relief and a surprise.

When Ryan had found out about his relationship with Seth, and ordered him to leave Orange Country, Trey had been pissed. Not to mention hurt that Ryan didn't believe him when he told him he wasn't simply messing around with Seth but that he actually cared for him, something which had surprised him deeply. It wasn't that he had set out to fuck with Seth, not really. But he was surprised how quickly and easily it had been to develop feelings for him.

Ultimately, though, leaving had been the best thing for him. It had been hard and Seth had been hurt and mad at first, but it had allowed Trey to sort out his feelings and to realize that he truly did want to be in Seth's life. He'd drifted around for awhile, moved from state to state. Performing random odd jobs here and there. He'd finally settled in Rhode Island where, despite limited experience, he'd found a job at a local garage. Not only had he taken to the work quickly but it turned out he was actually good at something other than stealing cars. He could _fix_ them too. His days had been spent at the garage and in the evenings he had been working on getting his GED. When Seth had called and told him about being accepted to Brown University, it wasn't hard for him to leave his cramped apartment and settle in with Seth in an off-housing apartment complex .

Running his fingers lightly down Seth's arm, Trey bit his lip, debating whether he should try and go back to sleep or attempt to wake Seth up with some awesome morning sex. He didn't take long to decide before he shifted, his lips brushing across Seth's temple and nudging at the dark curls there even as his other hand slid under the covers and beneath the waistband of Seth's boxers. He slid his hand lightly over the firm globes of Seth's ass before running his fingers lightly down the crack, smiling slightly when Seth squirmed in response. His breath hitched a little as though he were struggling for consciousness. Growing bolder, he inched his hand further, tickling the spot behind Seth's balls and was rewarded for his efforts when he felt Seth's cock start to swell and firm. "Seth," he whispered gently. Trey's lips lightly brushed along Seth's jaw, as he rubbed his dick against Seth's hip. God he was horny, his dick full and hard and Seth really needed to wake the fuck up now or he was just going to continue without him.

It took a few more seconds but finally Seth seemed to get with the program, his eyes fluttering open and he moaned softly before burrowing his face further into the crook of Trey's neck. He opened his legs wider, allowing Trey full access. "Good morning," Trey said, shifting them so that Seth lay on his back. He didn't wait for a response before he was tugging down Seth's boxers and wrapping his hand around Seth's cock. It was full and dark with blood and it seemed to fit perfectly in the palm of his hand as he jacked him off. Seth groaned and bit his lip, his hand wrapping around Trey's own as he helped to jerk himself off. Seth's eyes were dark with lust and Trey stared down at him before capturing his lips in a kiss, all teeth and tongue as he plundered the soft, sensitive cavern of Seth's mouth. He could tell Seth was close by the sounds he was making and the tensing of his body. He was about to finish him off when Seth pushed his hand away and reached for the lube on the nightstand.

"The alarm's going to go off in about ten minutes," Trey warned, even as he took the tube from Seth and squirted some on his fingers.

"Then you'd better hurry the hell up, dude," Seth snapped, voice rough with sleep. Trey smirked in response.

He rubbed the gel between his fingers to warm it before inserting first one finger and then a second one into Seth, twisting his fingers to open him up. Seth's pupils were blown, his face flushed as he writhed beneath Trey. Feeling that Seth wouldn't last much longer, Trey withdrew his fingers and reached for a condom. Quickly removing his own boxers, he tore at the wrapper before sliding it on. He felt pretty close himself as he wrapped his fist around his own erection, squeezing at the base to prevent himself from blowing his load all over Seth.

"Tick tock, dude," Seth said. God, he could be such a pushy little bottom, Trey thought as he lifted Seth's hips and aligned himself. Pushing in slowly, he watched Seth's face as he entered him inch by agonizing inch. Seth's eyes were squeezed shut, his face and neck flushing with blood.

It was fuckin' good, _really_ good and Trey bit his lip when he finally sank in as deep as he could. Seth was insanely tight around him, amazingly so given the numbers of times they'd done this. He groaned before withdrawing only to push in once more. Bringing his head down he captured Seth's mouth in another kiss, fingers tangling in Seth's hair as they continued to move in tandem; their bodies a flurry of arms and legs.

The alarm clock was blaring, shrill and loud and Trey ignored it as he reached down to wrap his hand around Seth's dick. He pumped him a few more times fast and steady before flicking his wrist around the head just so and was rewarded by Seth coming, a hoarse cry escaping from his lips. The feel of Seth's come, warm and thick on his chest and hand, along with the sensation of Seth convulsing around his cock was enough to trigger Trey's own release and he exploded inside of Seth. He continued to thrust a few more times, his movements erratic before finally stilling on top of Seth.

The alarm was still ringing and annoyed, Trey managed to muster the strength to withdraw from Seth, before reaching over and shutting it off. Removing the condom, he threw it away, before flopping back down beside Seth, who was practically comatose.

"You're gonna be late," he managed to say, voice hoarse and then he had to physically push Seth out of bed when he failed to respond because the last thing he needed was for Seth to be late. Because that in turn would mean Trey would be late for work. A_gain_. And he had already been late once earlier this week for exactly this very reason. _Maybe morning sex isn't such a great idea_, he thought to himself before shaking his head. God, who the fuck was he kidding? Morning sex was the best thing ever, right up there with afternoon sex and late night sex.

His eyes followed Seth as he stumbled to the bathroom, the door closing behind him. Hearing the shower start up, he glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost time for him to be up. He debated joining Seth in the shower to help… speed things along, but ultimately decided against it. He really, really couldn't be late. Getting up, he reached for a Kleenex and wiped himself off before putting on his boxers. Rummaging around the room he found his uniform buried under one of Seth's poster boards and he placed it on the bed. He grabbed a pair of socks, a fresh pair of boxers and a wife beater from the bedside table placing them on the bed as well. He glanced at the clock and was about to bitch Seth out for taking so long and using up all the hot water when he heard the shower turn off.

Seconds later, Seth emerged from the bathroom, a cloud of steam billowing out behind him. The shower seemed to have woken him from his stupor, Trey noted as he watched Seth frantically searching for his shoes and clothes and he shook his head before grabbing his own clothes and making a dash for the bathroom.

Stripping down, he stepped into the shower and shivered a little as the lukewarm water rained down on him. Turning off the cold completely, he reached for the shampoo and washed his hair before reaching for the bar of soap. He lathered himself quickly and managed to finish his shower just as the water was turning from room temperature to frigid. Turning off the tap he grabbed a towel from the rack and used it to dry off.

He heard the sound of the phone ringing in the other room as he was reaching for the toothpaste and he ignored it in favor of brushing his teeth. Finally done, he opened the door ready to bitch at Seth for using up all the hot water _again, _only to have to halt to a sudden stop or risk knocking Seth down.

"Dude, what the fuck?" he asked, annoyed at being startled. It was Seth's expression and the way he was gripping the phone in his hand, his knuckles white with tension; that had Trey going from irritated to freaked out. It had to be bad and his stomach did a somersault in anticipation. "What's wrong?" he asked, reaching for the phone and gently prying it out of Seth's death grip.

"It's Ryan," Seth said and Trey tensed at his brother's name.

Ryan and he hadn't spoken since Ryan had told him to leave Orange County. It was almost five months after he moved in with Seth that Ryan had even learned that he and Seth were living together. If it were up to him, Ryan would never know, but Seth didn't understand why Trey didn't want his brother to know they were sharing an apartment. He kept arguing that he wasn't going to tell Ryan they were dating, his words, just that they were sharing a place and why was it such a big deal? Trey didn't have the heart to tell Seth that Ryan was the reason he'd decided to leave all those months ago. Leaving might have been the right thing to do at the time, but he still resented his brother for it.

He had told Seth to keep quiet about their living arrangement but Seth had finally broken down one night and told Ryan. Once the cat was out of the bag, Trey had expected Ryan to bitch him out, but surprisingly enough Ryan hadn't said anything to him about the situation. Not that they spoke, but he'd been half expecting to receive an angry phone call when Seth was at school one day, but it had never come.

Seth had told his parents next. He left out the part about him and Trey fucking one another, because even Seth wasn't sure how the hell his family would take that bit of news and he wasn't quite ready to find out. Which suited Trey just fine, thank you very much.

Now though, hearing Ryan's name, Trey's stomach did that weird flipping thing again and he felt a mixture of fear and annoyance. While he may have issues with Ryan he was still his brother, his flesh and blood, and he didn't want anything bad to happen to him regardless of his current feelings. "What about Ryan," he asked warily. "Is--" he began, but Seth cut him off.

"No, no he's fine. He's fine. He's on the phone."

He was vaguely aware of Ryan's voice, sounding small and strange as it emerged from the phone that he was now gripping between bone-white fingers. Lifting the receiver to his ears he said hello, his voice strained.

"Trey," Ryan said. Trey could hear the emotion in Ryan's voice even over the long-distance connection. Ryan only sounded that way when he was upset, Trey stilled his eyes never leaving Seth's stricken face. "Trey, are you there?" Ryan asked and Trey nodded dumbly before realizing that there was no way Ryan could see him over the phone.

"Yeah, Ry, I'm here," he managed to say, his voice sounding strange even to his own ears. He cleared his throat a little.

"Trey, it's mom," Ryan said, his voice lightly cracking.

"What about mom," Trey asked, sharper than he had intended.

There was a pause before Ryan continued. "There was an accident. And she'd been drinking. She ran a light and hit another car. Trey, she died." Trey froze at Ryan's words.

"Trey? Are you there?" Ryan asked again, and the sound of his brother's voice shook him from his stupor.

"Yeah, yeah I'm still here," he said weakly. Shifting the cordless to his other ear, he quickly squeezed Seth's hand before stepping onto the small balcony overlooking the street below, closing the sliding glass door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The phone call had lasted about twenty minutes and by the time Trey re-entered the apartment Seth had tidied up and was waiting for him on the newly made bed. Still dazed from the phone call, he slowly placed the cordless back onto its base before facing Seth.

"My parents called while you were outside," Seth said and Trey looked down to see Seth holding his cell phone in the palm of his hand. "My dad was the one who initially got the call about…" Seth continued before trailing off. "My mom booked us flights for later tonight and my parents want to help with the funeral and stuff."

"Yeah," Trey nodded because Ryan had already mentioned that on the phone and he didn't know what else to say. "Um, look I gotta go open the garage and I'm late," he said after an awkward pause. He grabbed his keys and boots, ignoring the look of surprise and concern on Seth's face.

"Dude, you're going to work?" Seth asked incredulously, rising from the bed and walking towards him. Trey tensed at his tone.

"My boss isn't coming in until 10:00 AM and I'm the only other person with the keys, so yeah Seth, I'm going in," Trey said slowly, his tone sharper than he had intended. "I'll be back around 11:00 AM and then we'll pack and stuff alright?" he asked, consciously softening his tone because he didn't want to fight with Seth. He was just on edge and his head hurt and his mom had just fuckin' _died_ and god the whole situation was crazy. One minute he and Seth were having amazing morning sex and a split second later his whole world had been tipped on its axis. And he still couldn't wrap his head around what Ryan had told him, even with the words replaying themselves over and over in his mind.

"Yeah, okay. Okay," Seth said gently as he hovered in front of Trey, looking uncertain.

"Okay, I'll see you later," Trey said simply, bending down to put on his boots. He checked his pockets one last time to make sure he had everything he needed before he turned and walked out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

####

The plane ride to Orange County was quiet and tense. Trey spent the majority of the flight either fidgeting or lost in thought. Seth was silent beside him the whole flight, with the exception of when the flight attendant asked him what he'd like to drink. On the one hand, it was unnerving having Seth be so still when normally Seth was so full of energy, bouncing, neurotic and constantly babbling. But, on the other hand, Trey was grateful for the silence. He needed time to think and sort through his feelings. He didn't know what to think or how to feel since Ryan's phone call and there was a pressure in his head, right behind his eyes that had been getting progressively worse since this morning and the plane ride wasn't helping any. He kept rubbing at this eyes, his fingers pressing to his temples, hoping that the pressure of his fingers would help alleviate the pressure building up in his skull but nothing seemed to be helping and he really needed to find some aspirin or Tylenol or something.

He'd taken longer than he had said he would getting home from the garage. After explaining the situation to his boss, he'd decided to stay awhile despite his boss's concern. The thought of going back to the small apartment he shared with Seth and having to deal with Seth's worried looks was something that he didn't think he could handle. So he'd stayed to work on an old Ford Mustang that someone brought in. It had been a relief to focus on something that he could actual fix. And for a little while, at least, he'd even been able to forget about his mom and Ryan and the upcoming funeral. When he finally couldn't avoid Seth any longer without missing their flight he'd come home, surprised to find all their bags already packed and waiting by the door. Seth hadn't said anything more than hi and after standing around awkwardly aware of each other's presence but unsure of how to proceed, they'd decided to head to the airport a little earlier than planned.

The sound of the pilot's voice over the loudspeaker as he announced their descent startled Trey from his thoughts, and his stomach did that churning thing it had been doing since this morning.

"My dad's picking us up," Seth said, breaking up the silence, and Trey found himself actually relieved to hear his voice. "Ryan is driving up from Berkeley but he had a test this morning and he needed to pack up some stuff so he couldn't drive up right away. He should be arriving the around the same time we are. My mom's going to pick up some take-out or something. My dad's supposed to call her from the car to let her know what we want to eat."

"Okay," he said, forcing himself to look Seth in the eye, something he hadn't done since this morning. He knew he was being a dick, pushing Seth away, but for some reason he couldn't seem to stop and he didn't know what that said about himself.

Seth looked relieved that Trey was actually speaking to him and he tried to smile reassuringly, but he was pretty sure it came out more of a grimace given the worried look Seth directed at him.

"Are you okay?" Seth asked, and he looked hesitant, almost unsure as to whether he should have even asked the question.

"I'm fine," Trey reassured Seth, his voice steady, and he almost fooled himself into believing it was true. Keeping eye contact, he reached over and gave Seth's hand a firm squeeze before letting go. Turning his head he stared out the window, silently watching the ground rush up to meet them as the plane started its descent.

####

Sandy met them at the baggage claim, he and Seth exchanging a long hug. Trey nodded hello and didn't protest when Seth's father pulled him into a hug of his own and offered condolences. It was strange for a number of reasons, and he tried not to tense up as Sandy wrapped his arms around him, Seth silently watching the exchange. Once all their luggage was collected, he herded them toward the parking area. Trey settled into the backseat of the black Range Rover as Seth sat up front with his father.

Trey was content to let Sandy and Seth talk, preferring to stare out the window at the palm trees and sparkling ocean whizzing by him as they neared the Cohen house. It felt weird to be back in California. He'd gotten used to Rhode Island and cold weather and four seasons. The sky was bright and it made his eyes hurt and his head throb and he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window instead.

Trey wasn't sure how much time had passed but suddenly the car was slowing down, taking winding turns and he knew they were nearing their destination. Minutes later, Sandy pulled into the driveway, and a feeling of anxiety washed over Trey as he slowly unhooked his seatbelt. He took his time, his movements slow, and when he couldn't stall any longer without drawing attention to himself he got out of the car and joined Sandy who was removing their luggage from the trunk. Seth had gone a little overboard with the packing but he didn't say anything, just picked up the heavier bags and followed Seth and Sandy to the imposing front door.

Sandy didn't even get the key in the lock before the door swung open and Kirsten stepped outside. Trey watched as she greeted her husband, and then Seth, drawing her son into a big hug before turning to him. "I'm so sorry," she said, staring straight into his eyes and Trey found the eye contact unnerving. He nodded, unsure of what to do or say, allowing Kirsten to gather him in a hug before stepping back. She was still staring at him, her eyes sad and her smile kind, and he felt a lump starting to form in his throat.

"Where's Ryan?" he heard Seth ask. Relieved by the distraction, Trey tore his eyes away from Kirsten just as the sound of a car coming up the street caught their attention. They all watched as Ryan turned into the driveway and parked behind the Range Rover before shutting off the car and stepping out. Trey watched silently as first Seth, and then Sandy and Kirsten offered condolences and platitudes before each enveloping his brother in a hug. Trey worked his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched the exchange. He hadn't seen Ryan in almost two years, and it was weird standing before him now given all that had happened between them. Not to mention the circumstances that were now bringing them together.

"Hey," Ryan said, once Sandy went to the car to get his bags and Kirsten and Seth had given him some breathing room.

"Ryan," Trey said simply as he took in his brother's appearance. Ryan looked tired, his eyes a little red, and they both hesitated momentarily before Ryan reached over and drew him into a hug.

Trey honestly couldn't remember the last time he and Ryan had hugged. He wasn't sure they ever _had_. It was weird, and he guessed it was weird for Ryan too, judging by how quickly Ryan released him.

"I picked up Chinese food on the way home," Kirsten said, her voice breaking up the uncomfortable silence that had descended upon them all. "It's probably getting cold so maybe we should all head inside and eat? And after you boys get settled we can go over the arrangements," she continued and Trey found himself nodding along with Ryan. He took a deep breath mentally steeling himself, before he reached down to gather his bags and followed everyone inside.

####

Dinner had been awkward, filled with polite conversation and pitying stares and while the food had helped to settle his stomach a little it had done absolutely nothing to alleviate the constant pressure in his head.

The headache had gone from constant, but bearable pounding, to feeling like someone was taking a jackhammer to his head. Pain stretched from the front of his head all the way to the top and back. The pain made it impossible to focus on anything Kirsten had told them after the dishes were cleaned, and he and Ryan were sitting before her. He vaguely recalled Kirsten asking about flowers and burial vs. cremation and a whole bunch of other stuff but he'd been in too much pain to focus and Ryan didn't seem to know the answers either. It didn't help that he also kept wondering where the hell Seth and Sandy had wondered off to. He'd been kind of hoping Seth would stick around, needed to see a familiar and friendly face, but it seemed he was straight out of luck today. Finally, seeing that she wasn't getting anywhere, Kirsten had suggested they get some rest and sleep on it, and she'd see them in the morning when after breakfast she would drive them to the funeral home. Trey had never been in one before, had always been blessed that no one he knew had ever died before now, and he wasn't sure what to expect but the thought of being in a building with a bunch of corpses in the basement freaked him out a little.

His headache had receded a little after he'd left the kitchen. Passing Seth's bedroom door on the way to his own, he had thought about knocking to see if he was in there, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to actually do it. Instead he'd gone into his own room, and somehow managed to fall asleep, despite the early hour.

Now though, he could feel a sharp throbbing pain behind his right eye, and it woke him from his dreamless sleep. Wincing, he got up, tripping a little over his suitcase before weaving his way into the adjoining bathroom. The light made his head feel like it would explode and he shut his eyes before slowly re-opening them. Looking into the mirror above the sink he saw that his right eye was completely bloodshot, red and angry looking, hardly a trace of white left. He rummaged through the drawers and medicine cabinet, hoping to find some Tylenol, but came back empty-handed. Annoyed, he shut the cabinet and closed the light, before opening the bedroom door and stepping into the hallway.

He paused briefly by Seth's door but the light was off and he didn't want to wake him. Instead, he continued down the hallway and managed to find his way to the kitchen without knocking anything over on the way.

Turning on the light, he started rummaging through cabinets and drawers, trying not to make too much noise. _Seriously, who the fuck doesn't have Tylenol? _He thought to himself, as he closed a drawer in frustration before opening another one.

The knock on the glass door scared the shit out of him and he whirled around to see Ryan standing outside wearing sweat pants and a wife beater. He found himself hesitating for the briefest of seconds before crossing the kitchen. Unlatching the door, he stepped back as Ryan let himself in.

"Hey," Ryan said, his voice suspicious and Trey bristled at the tone. Ryan's voice was clear and he looked wide awake, despite the microwave reading 3:00 AM, and Trey wondered if he had managed to fall asleep at all.

"Hi," Trey said and went back to the drawer he was currently searching.

"Can't sleep?" Ryan asked, closing the door behind him and coming to stand beside Trey.

"Headache," he said simply, before closing the drawer shut. He was about to reach for another drawer handle when Ryan reached over his head, opened a cabinet, and dropped a bottle of Tylenol in his hands.

Trey had never been more relieved to see a bottle of Tylenol in his entire life. Wrestling the bottle open, his fingers fumbling a little, he managed to pour three pills in his hand and then popped them in his mouth. Dry swallowing them, he then washed them down with the glass of water Ryan handed to him.

"Thanks," he said before pouring himself another glass and taking a long swallow. Ryan nodded before pulling up a chair and sitting down at the breakfast table and Trey guessed it was too much to hope that Ryan would just leave and they wouldn't have to actually talk. Reluctantly, he brought his glass to the table and sat down across from Ryan, forcing himself to look his brother in the eye.

Ryan's expression seemed to soften a little when he looked at him, and Ryan's forehead started to do that creasing thing it did whenever he was concerned or worried about something. He figured it probably had something to do with his eye, which had kind of reminded him of Arnold Schwarzenegger's eye from the end of Terminator 2.

"You used to get those a lot when you were a kid, remember?" Ryan asked, voice low so as to not wake up the Cohens and Trey frowned a little because he didn't remember. He didn't remember a lot of his past, truth be told. Sure, he remembered key stuff, mostly bad. Remembered being unhappy a lot, yelling, screaming, the sound of stuff breaking and cop cars pulling into the driveway more times that he could count. But a lot of stuff was also fuzzy and tended to bleed together in his mind.

"No," he said, shaking his head, which he quickly regretted when it felt like his head was going to burst.

"I don't remember a lot, I was small, but you used to stay in your room sometimes and mom would tell me not to make a lot of noise or to put the TV on too loud because your head hurt," Ryan pressed and Trey frowned. Ryan's words triggered something from his memory, and he thought he vaguely recalled wet wash towels on his forehead, and his mother's soothing voice and hands as she stroked his hair. That was before the drinking, before his mother was more concerned in finding out what was at the bottom of a wine bottle than what was going on with her sons.

"Yeah, I think maybe you're right," he said slowly before looking away.

"Seth sleeping?" Ryan asked and Trey looked up, stared at him suspiciously, before shrugging his shoulders.

"I guess. I haven't seen him since dinner," he said and now it was Ryan's turn to frown.

"What?" Trey asked warily.

"Nothing," Ryan said but it looked like he wanted to say something else and Trey waited. But whatever was on Ryan's mind, he chose not to express it and they continued to sit in awkward silence.

He wasn't sure how long they just sat there, ten minutes, fifteen? But the Tylenol was finally kicking in, the pain in his head starting to miraculously subside, and Trey could feel his body subconsciously start to relax.

"It's getting late. I should probably try and get some sleep. You too," Ryan said, his voice breaking up the silence and Trey nodded in relief.

Ryan was almost out the door when something triggered Trey's memory. "Mom liked orchids," he said, remembering the question Kirsten had asked them earlier, the one neither he nor Ryan had been able to answer.

Ryan turned and Trey stared at his brother before continuing. "She told me her wedding bouquet was made of white orchids. She showed me the album once," Trey said, wondering what had ever happened to it. If his mother had thrown it out, or if it was sitting in her apartment somewhere waiting for someone to claim it. "She said they were her favorites," he continued when Ryan failed to respond.

"I didn't know that," Ryan said quietly after a pause, his forehead doing that little creasing thing again.

"And she told me that she wanted to be cremated," Trey said, surprised at the rush of memory. They'd been watching a TV show once, when he was just a kid. He couldn't remember the name of the show, but he did remember there was a funeral, big and elaborate, a black coffin gleaming in the sunlight. He remembered his mother turning to him and telling him that if she ever died, she wanted to be cremated, her ashes scattered somewhere beautiful and peaceful. He remembered asking what cremation meant, and she explained it to him, the process of being burnt. He remembered it had terrified him. He didn't understand why someone would want to be set on fire, and burnt beyond recognition until nothing remained but ash and dust. It had upset him so much that his mother had quickly changed both the topic and the channel.

"She did?" Ryan asked, surprise coloring his voice.

"Yeah, she said she wanted to be cremated, and her ashes scattered," Trey said slowly, still lost in long forgotten childhood memories.

It was the silence that caused Trey to look up. Ryan was staring off into the distance, his face unreadable but his jaw was clenched. "Ry?" Trey asked and the sound of his voice seemed to jolt Ryan from his thoughts.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Ryan said simply but his voice was strained. He looked like he wanted to say something more, seemed to almost hesitate for the briefest of seconds but then he turned around and walked out the door in the direction of the pool house.

Locking the door behind Ryan, Trey put his glass in the sink before closing the lights and making his way to his room. Exhausted, he collapsed into bed, asleep almost instantly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was Seth who woke him up. The sensation of hands running lightly through his hair and along his jaw, before finally settling on his arm, roused Trey from another dreamless sleep. Seeing Seth sitting on the edge of the bed, sporting a major bad case of bed-head, he had almost forgotten about the previous night's events. But within seconds it had all come rushing back to him. The phone call, his mother, Ryan and looking around he had realized he wasn't in the tiny apartment he shared with Seth but in the Cohen mansion.

"Hey," Seth said softly, dropping his hand from Trey's shoulder as he sat up in bed.

"Hey," Trey said, his voice rough with sleep.

"My mom wanted me to wake you. She said you and Ryan need to leave in about forty minutes for the funeral home," Seth continued gently and Trey felt his pulse quicken at Seth's words.

"Okay," he said tonelessly, as he threw back the covers.

Seth was still sitting there, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, his hands clasped together in his lap. Grabbing the back of his neck, his fingers tangling in the soft curls resting there, Trey drew Seth forward. His lips lightly brushed against Seth's temple and he could feel the tension slowly start to leave Seth's body. Seconds later, he was up and heading to the bathroom, Seth still sitting where he'd left him.

* * *

When he'd emerged from the shower, Seth was gone and he'd quickly gotten dressed before heading downstairs to the kitchen. Ryan was already there eating a bagel, along with Kirsten, and he reached for one himself before joining them. Seth and Sandy were no where to be found and Kirsten informed him that Sandy had to go to the office and Seth had joined him for the day, much to his surprise and disappointment.

Breakfast was awkward at best, neither he nor Ryan in the mood to talk, both content to focus all their energy on picking at their breakfast rather than on conversing. Ryan looked rough and tired, the creases on his forehead more pronounced, his skin pale and Trey frowned but didn't say anything.

The drive to the funeral home didn't take very long, and Trey hesitated a little before getting out of the car. He could feel his brother's eyes on him and he returned his gaze until Ryan finally looked away. If Kirsten could sense the tension between them, she never said anything, and Trey followed her inside, Ryan trailing behind.

The funeral director wasn't nearly as creepy as Trey thought he would be, and while he had been really dreading this part, it wasn't nearly as bad as he had imagined. There would be a small viewing tomorrow morning, closed coffin, and directly afterwards their mother would be cremated. Trey honestly didn't see the point of even having a viewing; it wasn't as though anyone would show up other than him and Ryan and probably the Cohens. His mother didn't have any siblings and his grandparents had died before he was born. And he couldn't recall if his mother even had any friends. Or at least none that she had bothered to keep in touch with over the years. It just seemed like a waste of money, especially with Kirsten and Sandy footing the majority of the costs. He and Ryan both had some money saved up, and they insisted on paying for what they could afford, the service being much more modest than the Cohens were probably used to. Or anyone in Orange Country, really.

By the time they had left the funeral home and bought new suits, something Trey had completely forgotten about until Kirsten had brought it up, it was early afternoon and Trey was exhausted and looking forward to just going home and maybe playing a video game or something. Anything to distract himself for a few hours. They'd stopped off for lunch first, some sort of fancy restaurant that made Trey feel like everyone was staring at him, and he was only able to relax once they were back in the car and on their way home.

Kirsten led them into the house before informing both Ryan and himself that she had to go to the office for a few hours but she would be back in time for dinner. Once she had gone, Trey plopped down on the couch and reached for the remote control. Seth and Sandy were still gone and he turned on the TV in the hope of finding a movie or something that would distract him until they came back. Ryan was still lingering by the door and Trey craned his neck back to see him.

"Playstation 3?" he asked, shrugging when Ryan shook his head.

"I'm kinda tired. I think I'm just going to head to the pool house. But I'll see you at dinner," Ryan said and Trey nodded before turning back to the TV as Ryan let himself out.

Sitting in the Cohens living room though, Trey's thoughts kept drifting back to that of his mother. It was weird knowing that come tomorrow she would be nothing more than a pile of ash, and the thought made him feel queasy. He still hated the idea of cremation, but it was what she wanted and he wasn't going to deny his mother her dying wish just because the thought of it freaked him the hell out.

Antsy, he turned off the television and headed to the kitchen. The house was deathly quiet and Trey found it unnerving. There was something he had been thinking about doing ever since Ryan had told him about their mother's passing, but he kept putting it off. But with the funeral tomorrow he felt like he couldn't avoid it any longer. The only problem was he didn't have a car.

He could see the pool house from the kitchen and he hesitated before opening the French doors and walking the short distance to the pool house. The shades were drawn but the door was unlocked and Trey quietly let himself inside. The lights were closed but there was enough natural light that Trey could see Ryan asleep under the covers. Ryan's keys were by the door and he picked them up as he watched his brother sleep. Torn, he looked down and turned them over and over in his hands.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked and Trey jumped at the sound of his brother's voice.

Ryan was sitting up in bed, hair mused, as he watched him suspiciously.

"I think we should see dad," Trey said after a moment's hesitation and he watched as Ryan's face registered shock at his suggestion. "I don't know if anyone told him about mom, I don't even know if he would care," Trey said quietly, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "But I still think he has a right to know."

Ryan didn't say anything right away, but Trey could see a multitude of different emotions wash over his brother's face as he weighed his words.

"Okay, give me two minutes," Ryan said finally. Pushing back the sheets pooled in his lap, he reached for his jeans and headed toward the bathroom.

Trey started pacing the room, feeling anxious, and he hoped he wasn't making a huge mistake. He hadn't seen his father in years, not since he'd been arrested for armed robbery, and he wasn't sure how he would react to hearing the news. His father had always been an ass. Cold, abusive and prone to anger, Trey seriously doubted he had changed over the years. If anything, he worried that his father might actually be meaner, what with him being locked behind bars for so long.

"Trey?" Ryan asked, having emerged from the bathroom when he wasn't looking, and Trey stopped in mid-pace at the sound of his voice.

He could see the concern in his brother's face but he ignored it, hefting the keys in his hands before throwing them to Ryan. "You drive," he said before turning and walking out the door. He didn't wait to see if Ryan would follow.

* * *

Neither of them spoke much the length of the car ride. Trey was more than happy to stare out the window at the passing scenery rather than engage Ryan in any form of conversation. And Ryan seemed content to the do the same, both lost in their own thoughts.

The closer they got to Lompoc though, the more jittery Trey felt. Part of him wanted to tell Ryan to turn the car around, pissed at himself for even involving his brother. Not because he felt that Ryan didn't deserve to see their father, but because if he hadn't invited Ryan along, he could have just turned the car around himself and no one would be the wiser.

The prison was huge, composed of concrete and brick with a razor wire fence, and it reminded Trey way too much of Chino and his own time behind bars. His father was in the "high-security" area of the federal facility and he couldn't imagine being surrounded by such hard-core criminals for so many years. When he was in Chino he'd been lucky enough to land in the "medium-security" area, where he had been surrounded by less violent criminals than the rapists, murderers and other long-term inmates that his father was currently housed with and he'd still had his fair share of run-ins.

It took awhile for them to get their parking pass and visitor badges. There was paperwork to sign, and then they were led down a long grey corridor before finally arriving at the visitors' area. The room was rectangular in shape, a row of chairs and tables on either side of the thick glass partition that separated inmate from visitor. The guard directed them where to go and then left without another word. Approaching the area the guard had motioned to, Trey could see his father already seated and he faltered slightly before resuming his pace.

His father looked old. And smaller than Trey remembered. Not that Frank Atwood was a tiny man, but for some reason Trey remembered him being so much larger than the man sitting before him now. And he looked tired too. The kind of tired that came from being locked away behind bars for far too long.

And then his father was fixing his eyes on him and Ryan, and he could see the confusion there before the recognition kicked in. There was surprise too, and happiness, and Trey stumbled once more, forcing himself to keep moving with he felt Ryan's hand on his shoulder.

He could feel the pressure slowly staring to built up in his head again, right behind his eyes, as he sat down across from his father. Clenching his jaw, he reached for the phone, watching silently as his father did the same. There were handcuffs around his wrists, they gleamed under the florescent lighting, and Trey watched the light bounce off of them before directing his gaze to his father's face.

"Trey," his father said before breaking into a tentative smile and Trey inhaled deeply before speaking.

"Dad," he acknowledged, his tongue tripping a little over the word. He lapsed into silence, unsure of how to proceed but after several moments his father continued speaking.

"You look good. You boys got big," his father said, pride in his voice and Trey shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I was hoping you'd come and visit your old man one day," he continued. "So what are you boys up to these days? Are you both still in school or are you working now?"

"Um, we're good. Ryan's at Berkeley actually and I'm working at a garage up in Rhode Island," Trey said after a beat, feeling Ryan shift behind him at the mention of his name. Trey looked up and saw Ryan's faint reflection in the glass separating them from their father. Ryan looked as uncomfortable as Trey felt. Somehow, the knowledge that his brother was just as freaked out as he was made Trey feel a little better.

"That's great, boys. So Rhode Island, huh? What brings you back to California then? Vacation?" his father asked.

"No, not vacation. It's mom actually," Trey said before pausing. He didn't know how to tell his father the news, and sitting across from him, he couldn't help thinking how difficult it must have been for Ryan to tell him about their mother.

"What about your mother? Is she all right?" Frank Atwood asked, all trace of happiness now wiped from his face.

"No, she's not okay," Trey said. He sought out Ryan's reflection again in the glass before speaking. "She died, dad. She'd been drinking and she ran a light and hit another car. The other driver was okay, but mom died," Trey continued, the words now pouring out of him. "The funeral is tomorrow and we just, we wanted you to know," Trey said before halting to an abrupt stop.

He watched in silence as a myriad of different emotions washed over his father's face. Shock, regret, and ultimately grief.

"You're mother and I weren't close after the divorce but I never--" his father started to say before stopping. "Was it quick at least? Was she in any pain?"

"She was dead before the paramedics even got there," Trey said tonelessly as he repeated the words that Ryan had spoken when he had asked him the very same question.

"God, what a fuckin' tragedy. What a waste," his father said and Trey tensed at his words. "She always had a drinking problem, you know? Since you kids were small. She used to hide her wine in coffee mugs and little juice cups. I would find them all over the house when I'd come home," his dad continued and Trey squelched the urge to ask his father how he could possibly know considering he was never fucking around, too busy shacking up with whatever whore he was cheating with that week. "I told her so many times to get help," his father said, anger causing his voice to rise.

His father's words pissed him off, and Trey had to bite the inside of his cheek, tasting blood, so as to not remind his father that he was the very reason his mother had started drinking in the first place. Years of abuse, both physical and emotional at the hands of their father had caused her to seek refuge at the bottom of a bottle.

Trey wanted desperately to yell at his father. For years he had felt rage whenever he thought of his dad. He used to stay awake at night sometimes practicing all the things he would say to him if he ever got the opportunity. And now, sitting in front of him, hearing him rant about his dead mother, the urge to finally unleash all that rage that he had bottled up over the years was overwhelming. But now wasn't the time or place and he didn't want to cause a scene in a room full of people. Rising, he wordlessly thrust the phone in Ryan's hand before storming out of the room.

* * *

When he finally emerged from the jail it was as though he had been submerged underwater and was just now breaking the surface. The sun was bright and searing overhead, and he blinked in pain at the sudden harshness. He'd felt claustrophobic sitting in that room across from his father. Every sound, from the guards and visitors talking, to the jangling of the handcuffs around his father's wrists had made him feel like he was back in Chino and only now, out in the safety of the parking lot, did he feel like he could actually breathe.

He was shaking and he didn't know if it was a result of seeing his father, or if it was a result of being back in prison -- even if he had been on the other side of the bars this time around. All he knew was that he felt nauseous and strung-out and he wanted nothing more than to go home and pop a few Tylenol before crawling into bed.

He didn't know what his father had said after he left but when Ryan finally emerged from the prison he looked just as enraged as Trey felt. His brother's lips were stretched thin with anger and his eyes were hard, his fists clenched by his side. Wordlessly, Ryan unlocked the car and climbed in the driver's seat.

"Do you want to talk about it," Trey asked when he got in the car and shut the door.

Ryan exhaled sharply before jabbing the key in the ignition. "I don't get him," Ryan said finally, his voice laden with emotion. "One minute he seemed so upset, tears in his eyes, and then the next he was ranting and laying blame on everyone but himself and it was -- I didn't know what to say. He kept going on about how we should have looked out for her more, kept a better eye on her and it made me mad but… maybe he's right. Maybe we should have watched out for her more. Been around more. Maybe it would have made a difference," Ryan said as he turned to face him.

Ryan's eyes were too bright and Trey hesitated before speaking.

"Dad's an ass," he said finally, his voice like steel. "Mom was the way she was _because_ of him. Because of how he treated her over the years. We were just little kids when mom started drinking, Ry. We were too young to do anything about it. And even after they got divorced, she was still messed up. God, every relationship she ever had was with one loser after another. They were all abusive dicks who liked to drink just as much as she did," Trey continued. "Even if we had been around more, it wouldn't have made a difference. Hell Ryan, how many times _were_ we there and either she was never home, or too busy shacking up with her latest boyfriend to give us the time of day," Trey said, his voice a mixture of anger and bitterness.

Ryan didn't say anything but Trey could tell he was listening closely and he took a deep breath before continuing.

"Mom was broken," Trey said quietly. "She was broken for a long time and nothing you or I could have done would have changed that. Dad's just feeling guilty and he's trying to lay some of that guilt on us. Well, fuck him, Ryan. Because you know what? Thinking of all the things we could have done differently isn't going to change what happened. "

Ryan was still, his forehead doing that creasing thing again, and Trey watched as he took a deep breath and composed himself.

"Yeah, maybe you're right," he said finally but he didn't sound entirely convinced. Turning the key, he started the car and pressed down on the gas.

Moments later they were back out on the highway, both once more lost in thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Trey woke up to the sound of Seth's voice in his ear. Disoriented, he tried to blink the sleep from his eyes, before slowly sitting up. Seth was dressed in a suit, minus the tie and jacket, and it took him a second to remember that today was his mother's funeral, the knowledge making his stomach sink.

"Hey," Seth said quietly, avoiding eye contact as he played nervously with the edge of the comforter.

"Hi," Trey said before lapsing into silence. He made a move to get out of bed but Seth didn't get up from his spot and Trey leaned back against the headboard instead.

"I didn't see you last night," Seth said finally.

"Yeah, I had a headache and went to bed. I woke up around 9:00 PM but I didn't see you around," Trey said as he raked a hand through his hair.

"I was with Ryan. He told me about what happened with your dad. I'm sorry he was such a dick," Seth said.

"Thanks," Trey said, feeling uncomfortable.

Silenced settled around them and he watched as Seth rose from the bed. Seth looked worried and uncertain and Trey tracked him with his eyes as Seth went to the closet and started to pull out the clothes he would need to wear for the service.

"We need to leave in about forty minutes, so you should eat something and get dressed so we won't be late," Seth continued as he went to the dresser and started to pull out boxer shorts and socks.

He'd been together with Seth long enough to recognize when Seth was concerned, nervous, or had something weighing heavily on his mind that he wanted to discuss but didn't know how to broach the subject. More than once he'd come home from work to find Seth uncharacteristically cleaning, folding laundry, or puttering around the apartment and only after he would grab Seth by the shoulders and sit him down and ask him what was wrong would Seth finally tell him what was bothering him.

Rising from the bed, Trey came to a stop next to Seth and wrapped his hand around Seth's wrist, stilling his movements.

"Seth--" he started to say but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sandy's head poking through the door made him release Seth's wrist and he grabbed the socks and boxers than Seth was still holding in his hand.

"Good, you're awake. We're going to be leaving soon," Sandy said before turning his attention on his son. "And you, your mother is looking for you," Sandy continued and Seth nodded before walking out the door.

"So how are you doing with everything?" Sandy asked once Seth had left.

"Fine, sir," Trey said automatically.

"It's going to be a long day, and it's going to probably take you awhile to process everything that's happened. But, if you need to talk Kirsten and I would be more than happy to listen," Sandy said.

It felt weird talking with Sandy. And not just because he was doing his son. He'd always had issues with parental units, never truly felt comfortable around them. Not his parents and certainly not his friends' parents. It felt even weirder being around Kirsten and Sandy. They were like the perfect happy couples you saw on TV that Trey had always suspected didn't truly exist. Until he met the Cohens anyway.

Being around Kirsten and Sandy just reminded him of how different they were from his own family and he couldn't help feeling inferior around them, even though he knew that was never their intention.

"I appreciate that," he said, trying hard not to fidget. "Thank you," he added as an afterthought.

"You're welcome," Sandy said. He stared at him for a few seconds, as though he wanted to say something more, but then he turned to leave. "We'll be downstairs when you're ready."

Only after Sandy shut the door did Trey finally move from his spot.

* * *

The service was small and intimate. The funeral was held in a small church with stained glass windows. There were a few flower wreaths by the coffin, one from the Cohens, one from him and Ryan and surprisingly enough one from their father. Both he and Ryan had paused when they'd noticed their father's name on the banner draped around the floral arrangement, along with his and Ryan's names. It had annoyed him that his father would not only have the nerve to send flowers after their visit with him, but that he would also have the nerve to include both his sons' names. He wanted the flowers removed, but then he remembered the look of grief and shock on his father's face when he'd told him the news, before he had started ranting and trying to lay blame. Conflicted, he stared silently at the wreath as feelings of guilt and anger warred inside of him before eventually tearing his eyes away.

The smell of the flowers in the small room made him nauseous and he felt the beginning of another headache tapping at the base of his skull whenever he even looked at his mother's coffin. He'd been expecting no one to show up at the funeral and was surprised that in addition to the Cohens, Teresa had shown up along with her family. As well as an old neighbor of theirs back in Chino they hadn't seen in years. Mrs. Santos had lived next door to them when he was just a kid. Trey recalled she used to watch them from time to time. She had moved away years ago and both he and Ryan were surprised to see her at the service. She had explained she had seen the announcement in the paper and wanted to pay her respects before enveloping both him and Ryan in a hug. It had been weird yet comforting and he had hugged her back for releasing her.

None of Trey's old friends from the neighborhood showed up, and Trey found himself relieved.

After a short viewing, a minister had arrived and delivered the funeral sermon. And then suddenly, after three days of thinking and stressing about the funeral, it was just _over_. Watching as their mother's body was led away to the crematorium, Trey was left feeling as though he had dreamt the whole thing.

Leaving the church he felt confused, bewildered and off-balance. Ryan, who had been silent for most of the service except to deliver the eulogy, looked just as worn out as Trey felt. His brother's eyes were red-rimmed, and his face strained, and Trey frowned before directing his gaze to Seth. Seth had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole morning, had been uncharacteristically quiet since Trey had found out his mother had died really, and Trey silently watched as Seth went to talk to Ryan who was standing a few feet away.

Exhausted and hungry he forced himself to be polite as he thanked Theresa and her family for attending as well as Mrs. Santos. His head was pounding again, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to the Cohen mansion and lie down.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, but in reality was only a few minutes, his wish came true and he gratefully followed the Cohens and Ryan to the waiting car. Sinking down into the plush leather seats, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

* * *

He'd been dreaming of ashes and fire when something hard fell on his head, jolting him awake. Rubbing at his forehead, Trey searched around in the dark, his hand stilling when it came into contact with hard plastic. There was just a hint of light from a street lamp across the street bleeding through the gaps in the blinds, and Trey raised the object to his face for a better look.

Captain Oats.

He remembered when he first laid eyes on him. He'd been peaking out from under Seth's pillow and he'd been both baffled and amused that someone Seth's age would still be playing with a toy horse. He remembered thinking it was freakin' weird but also kind of endearing. Captain Oats was still a permanent fixture in Seth's life. Seth kept him in their bedroom back in their apartment. And while Trey would never admit it, he'd gotten used to having him around.

Seth must have snuck him into the room while he was sleeping and propped him up on the storage headboard. He figured he had probably shifted in his sleep and knocked him down. Still holding Captain Oats, Trey let his mind drift back to the day's events.

After coming home from the funeral, Trey, Ryan and the Cohens had all grabbed something to eat. After popping some Tylenol, he had gone up to his room to change out of his suit and exhausted, he had crashed out on the bed. From the look of the moonlight peaking through the blinds, that had clearly been awhile ago.

Getting up from the bed, he went to use the bathroom. His headache was gone but looking at himself in the mirror, he could see how exhausted he looked. His expression was pinched, his face pale. Scowling, he splashed his face with cold water and closed the light as he went back to the bedroom.

"Hey," Seth said, and Trey jumped at the sound of his voice.

Seth was sitting on the bed, Captain Oats clutched in his hands and Trey forced himself to relax.

"You scared the crap out of me," Trey said as he approached the bed. The room was still dark but his eyes had adjusted and he had no problems making out Seth's form.

"Sorry," Seth said, before putting Captain Oats down.

"Where are your parents?" Trey asked as he sat down beside Seth.

"There was a benefit dinner of some kind that my mom had to go to. She was chairing it and she made my dad go along," Seth said.

"And Ryan?" Trey asked.

"He stuck around for awhile but he went back to the pool house about an hour ago to get some sleep. The funeral exhausted him," Seth said before trailing off.

It was the most they'd said to one another in three days.

He froze for a second when Seth covered the distance between them and kissed him. It felt good, really good, and Trey deepened the kiss as his tongue sought out the warmth of Seth's mouth.

He had missed this. Missed Seth. Trey buried his hands in Seth's hair as he pulled him closer. He released all his pent up anger and frustration into the kiss, his tongue sweeping the interior of Seth's mouth. Breaking off the kiss, he leaned back and pulled Seth's shirt over his head before removing his own.

Wordlessly, he pushed Seth back until he was lying on the mattress and proceeded to remove his pants and underwear until Seth was naked beneath him. He could hear Seth breathing in the dark, the sound loud and ragged, and he quickly rose and removed his own pants and boxers before covering Seth's body with his own.

Seth's body was warm and welcoming and exactly the distraction he needed to take his mind off of all the events from the past few days that had been eating him up inside. Raking his teeth along the sensitive skin of Seth's neck, he bit down hard, drawing a hiss from Seth.

His movements were erratic, almost frantic, as he ran his hands along Seth's body before wrapping his hand around his cock. Seth was hard, and Trey worked his hand along his length as he jerked him off roughly.

Seth's breathing was harsh as he squirmed under him. There was precum along the tip of Seth's cock, and Trey caught it with his thumb, before rubbing it into Seth's skin.

"Shit," Seth said before moaning softly. "Dude, I think you're trying to kill me."

Trey quieted him by shoving his tongue down his throat.

He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to lose himself in Seth's body and in the sensation of pleasure that was washing over him.

Breaking off the kiss, he sat up to reach for the lube and remembered he didn't have any.

"Suitcase, front pocket," Seth said and Trey quickly rose from the bed and pulled out the bottle of lube from the suitcase along with a condom. Walking back to the bed, he poured the lube on his hand before inserting first one finger and then a second one into Seth before adding a third. The fit was tight and Seth squirmed beneath him at the intrusion.

He worked his fingers in and out, making sure to hit Seth's prostate as often as he could before finally withdrawing his fingers. Tearing the condom wrapper, he rolled it on before using more lube to slick up his cock. Stretching out on top of Seth he aligned himself before sinking slowly in, one agonizing inch at a time.

Seth was like a vice around him, and he tried to go slow but the sensations were too intense and about halfway through he couldn't take it anymore and thrust the rest of the way in.

Buried as deeply as he could go inside of Seth, Trey withdrew almost completely before sliding back in. Shifting, he hooked his arms beneath Seth's thighs and tilted his hips so that his cock bumped against Seth's prostate making Seth cry out in pleasure.

Balls deep inside of Seth, Trey willed himself to forget his mother, his father and everything else that had been bothering him over the past few days. His breathing ragged, he slammed into Seth before withdrawing, frantically thrusting and kissing and biting, as he lost himself in the sensations washing over him.

Worming a hand between their bodies, he palmed Seth's erection, the flesh firm and hot in his hand and he jerked him off before flicking his wrist just so around the head. Feeling Seth explode between them, his body clenching around his cock, Trey's body lost its rhythm as he came. He continued to thrust erratically, once, twice, three times before finally stilling on top of Seth.

Withdrawing, he removed the condom before rolling onto his back. He was still shaking, and he forced himself to relax. Despite just having sex, he felt inexplicably strung out and antsy and he frowned before getting up and reaching for the nearest pair of boxers.

"Where are you going?" Seth asked, his voice filled with confusion as he sat up in bed.

"I don't know. A walk," Trey said as he put on his pants and reached for his shirt.

"Now?" Seth asked as he got up from the bed. "Dude, what's wrong? Talk to me," he insisted, tugging on his own pants when Trey ignored him.

Trey felt anger well up inside of him. Anger at his father, his mother, Ryan, and anger at himself. Anger at Seth too and he didn't even understand why.

He wanted to punch something, punch someone, and he clenched his jaw, his teeth grinding together as he pushed past Seth.

"Dude, you don't get to do that," Seth said angrily as he stepped in front of him.

"Get out of my way," Trey said, his voice like steel.

"No," Seth said defiantly and Trey willed himself to remain calm.

"Seth, move out of my way or I will make you move," he said quietly.

"No, you don't get to fuckin' do this," Seth said, his voice rising. "You don't get to ignore me for three days, and then fuck me and storm off. Talk to me, dude. Tell me what's going on, tell me why you're so pissed at me," Seth said and something inside of Trey just snapped.

"What the fuck do you want me to say, Seth?"

"I want you to _talk_ to me. Why can't do just do that," Seth said, frustration marring his voice.

"Because I don't fuckin' know what to say," Trey shouted. "I don't talk about everything I'm feeling all the fuckin' time like you do. I'm not good with words, you _know_ that."

"Yeah, I know and usually that's fine because I don't need words from you! Because you show me through actions what you're thinking. You'll give me a look or a smile or a touch and I'll get exactly what you're trying to tell me. But you're not giving me anything now Trey. You haven't for three days and I don't know what to do or say around you," Seth said.

"Because I don't know how I feel, Seth. Other than I'm fuckin' pissed off and I want to rip this whole room apart with my bare hands," Trey said loudly.

"Your mom died, Trey. And you've barely reacted. You haven't cried, you haven't spoken to anyone about how you're doing or what you're feeling. You're barely dealing and it's breaking my heart because I want to help you. I want to be there for you, but you keep pushing everyone away. Me, my parents, even Ryan," Seth continued softly. "Dude, let me help you."

"I don't want to cry," Trey said, forcing himself to lower his voice.

"Why? Is it some kind of Atwood thing? Because even Ryan has cried," Seth asked, genuinely confused.

Trey took a deep breath before putting some space between him and Seth.

"I don't fuckin' understand," Trey said finally, breaking the silence that had descended upon them. "I don't understand how one minute my mom's alive and the next minute, in a fuckin' heartbeat, everything's changed. And it pisses me off because it's so _stupid_. God, how many times do people drink and drive and nothing ever happens to them? Do you know how many times _I_ would drive drunk, and I always walked away without a scratch. So why didn't she?" Trey asked, his voice wavering slightly.

"I don't know," Seth said gently before coming to stand next to him.

"I'm mad at her. I'm mad at her for drinking, I'm mad at her for driving. And I'm mad at her for dying. And I'm mad at her for a million other reasons. For not being around when I needed her half the time I was growing up, for dating one abusive asshole after another and bringing them into our lives, for never coming to visit me when I was up in Chino," Trey said before trailing off. He felt Seth watching him and he looked away.

"Trey--" Seth started to say but Trey cut him off.

"I don't want to cry for that person, Seth. She doesn't deserve my tears," Trey said coolly before fixing his eyes in Seth's direction.

"Then don't," Seth said, surprising Trey. "Don't cry for that person. Cry for the person she was before she started drinking. Dude, your mother might not have been perfect, but she tried. At least in the beginning. So cry for the person who would take you and Ryan to the movies whenever she could afford to even though you guys didn't have much money. Cry for the person who would put Ryan to bed early on weekends when he a kid and would let you stay up to watch TV while drinking hot chocolate spiked with Kahlua… which is extremely minty by the way," Seth said before trailing off.

Trey stared at Seth, wondering how he knew those things before realizing that Ryan must have told him. "I--" he began but Seth cut him off.

"And if that doesn't work then cry for the mother you always wanted but she could never be because of the shitty circumstances you guys were dealt in life."

Something broke inside of Trey at Seth's words. There was a lump forming in his throat, and he tried to swallow around it. Frozen, he didn't move when Seth closed the distance between them. His body stiff, he allowed Seth to draw him into a hug. Seth's arms were tight around him, and he wasn't even aware he was crying until Seth's hands wiped the tears caught in his lashes. Burying his face in the crook of Seth's neck, he huffed against the warm skin there, his body shaking with tension and grief.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, pressed together, with only the sound of his uneven breathing filling the silence between them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The Cohen kitchen was empty when Trey headed downstairs the next morning. It was early, only quarter to eight, but after waking up to use the bathroom he hadn't been able to fall back to sleep.

Heading to the fridge, he pulled out eggs, bacon and toast. Setting them down on the counter, he reached for a skillet.

He was cracking eggs into a large bowl when he heard Ryan knock on the door. His brother looked better, more rested than he had in days, and Trey let him in before going back to the stove.

They worked in comfortable silence, Ryan frying up the bacon as he fried the eggs. Their mother had never been much of a cook growing up, but their father loved to cook and some of that had certainly rubbed off on him and Ryan. Not that he was going to win a chef of the year award any time soon, but he could definitely put together a meal with relative ease, unlike Seth who burned everything he touched.

"Hey," Sandy said, surprise coloring his voice as entered the kitchen. He was dressed in swim trunks and a t-shirt, his surf board under his arm. "You boys didn't have to cook breakfast," Sandy said before swiping a piece of toast.

"We figured it was the least we could do after everything you've done for us," Ryan said as he removed the bacon from the skillet and placed them on a paper towel covered plate.

"Yeah, thanks for everything. You didn't have to help but you did and it means a lot," Trey said, feeling uncomfortable.

"You and Ryan are family to us, and family helps each other out," Sandy said, giving his shoulder a firm squeeze before reaching for a stack of plates.

He was saved from further awkwardness by the arrival of Kirsten and Seth as they filtered into the kitchen.

"Dude, I knew I smelled bacon," Seth said as he swiped a piece from the plate Ryan was holding.

"You boys didn't have to do this. Thank you, though," Kirsten said, smiling as she reached for the placemats and Trey found his own lips quirking up in a ghost of a smile as he and Ryan carried the plates over to the table.

* * *

After breakfast, Kirsten and Sandy had left for the office, a reluctant Seth following Sandy out to the car.

They were leaving tomorrow to go back home, but he and Ryan had one more thing they needed to do before they left.

After showering and getting dressed, they packed into Ryan's car and set out to their mother's small basement apartment.

The air was stale and humid when the landlord let them in and they left the door open along with some windows to help air it out.

There wasn't much in the way of furniture, but there were a lot of knickknacks littering the apartment.

They emptied out the fridge first, leaving just some sodas and juice in case they got thirsty. Trey felt bad throwing away perfectly good food but he and Ryan were leaving the next day and they couldn't take everything that was in it back with them.

After the fridge was emptied, they packed up their mother's clothing into boxes to be donated to the salvation army.

The pictures and photo albums were harder to pack up. Their mother had kept lots of pictures, mostly of when he and Ryan were kids. There were pictures of Ryan in his soccer uniform, pictures of Trey in his little league uniform, as well as whole albums devoted to each of them when they were just born, and he and Ryan divided the framed pictures up as well as the albums

At one point, he found his mother's wedding album and he hesitated before opening it. Ryan had grown still beside him, watching in silence as Trey flipped through the pages. Their parents both looked so young, his father standing tall, dressed a black suit, his mother in a white dress holding a bouquet of orchids beside him. They both looked full of promise and it made a lump form in Trey's throat as he thought of all that lost potential.

"You should keep it," Ryan said jolting Trey from his thoughts.

"Nah, you take it," he said, snapping it shut and holding it out to Ryan.

"Mom shared it with you. She would want you to have it," Ryan insisted and Trey fixed his eyes on his brother's face. Ryan's face was serious and Trey hesitated.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Ryan nodded before speaking. "Yeah, but maybe you can scan the pictures and send them to me?" he asked and Trey nodded in agreement.

They continued to work in silence, dividing up stuff they wanted to take back with them, and stuff they were either going to donate to charity or place into a storage unit until they could decided what to do with it all.

In addition to pictures, they found some baby clothes packed up from when they were just kids, baptism candles, even some toys that they had thought for sure had been thrown out. They split those up as well and Trey placed his with the pile of stuff that would be going into the storage unit.

Hours later, exhausted and sweaty, they took a short break, cracking open two beer bottles that they had left in the fridge. The beer was cold and soothing and Trey wiped his brow before sitting down on the couch.

Ryan, who had joined him on the couch, was picking at his beer label, his forehead creased again in worry with each passing minute and Trey watched him out of the corner of his eye.

"What?" he finally asked, and this time, rather than avoiding the question, Ryan glanced up before speaking.

"Look, this probably isn't any of my business, but I've noticed how distant you've been around Seth and I can tell he's worried about you. It's just, don't shut him out, I guess is what I'm trying to say," Ryan said after a brief pause, his expression one of discomfort.

He wasn't, not anymore really, not since last night anyway. But Ryan didn't know about what had happened, and while he knew Ryan was concerned, he still felt annoyed and incredulous that Ryan would even bring Seth up to him. Because as far as he was concerned, Ryan didn't have a right to ask about his relationship with Seth. Not after he had made it perfectly clear in the past that he didn't want Trey anywhere _near_ Seth.

Annoyed, he took a long pull from his beer bottle before setting it down on the coffee table.

"Weren't you the one who told me to get out of town and leave Seth alone?" he asked, his voice hard. "So you can understand why I would find it a little ironic that you would be telling me this now."

Ryan sighed before speaking. "I said that because I was worried for you, and I didn't want you or Seth to get hurt," Ryan said and Trey scoffed.

"Seth was underage and you were…you were just out of jail and messed up. And I was concerned. But you know what, I was wrong," Ryan admitted. "You changed, Trey. Maybe it's because of Seth, or maybe it was being away from him for awhile, but you're not the same person who came out of jail after lifting that car. And I can see that now. I still don't… I still think it's weird you being with Seth, mostly because I'd always seen you with girls growing up, but I'm trying to understand it."

Trey was about to respond when Seth's voice rang out from across the room causing both their heads to swivel at the sound.

"You were the reason Trey left?" Seth asked from the open doorway, his face a mixture of hurt and shock.

"Seth," Ryan said, jumping up from his seat, but Seth turned around and stormed out of the house.

"Let me talk to him," Trey said before pushing past Ryan as he headed for the front door.

Seth was sitting inside the Range Rover when he came outside, and Trey wondered how the hell had he missed the sound of him pulling up. The window was open and he reached across Seth to turn the car off. Seth's body was rigid, his hands gripping the steering wheel, and Trey sighed softly before opening the car door. He ran his hand through Seth's hair, before cupping the back of his neck, and he could feel the tension there as he gently squeezed.

"Shift over," he said. "Please?" he asked when Seth failed to move. Feeling weary, he waited and finally after several long minutes Seth moved over to the passenger seat. Grateful, Trey opened the driver side door and slid in next to Seth.

Seth was still staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched, and Trey waited him out.

"You lied to me," Seth said finally as he turned and fixed hurt eyes on him. "I asked you why you were leaving town and you told me you needed to leave, that you needed to find yourself and you couldn't do that here with all of Newport judging you," Seth said accusingly.

Trey sighed before speaking. "Ryan may have been the one to jump start my leaving, but all those things I said to you were true, Seth," Trey said but Seth's eyes were still filled with disbelief and he paused before continuing. "At first I was pissed at Ryan, but when I saw you that last day at my apartment, I realized he was right. I did need to leave Newport. I needed to get away and decide what I was going to do with my life. And as mad as I was with Ryan, still am sometimes, if it weren't for him I don't know if that would have happened."

Seth was still silent next to him but Trey could see the anger and tension start to ebb from his body.

"Leaving made me grow up, made me question what I was doing with my life. It gave me perspective," Trey continued. "I'm not the same person I was when I had first come to stay with you and your family," Trey said, watching as Seth nodded. "And you changed too, Seth. Yeah you're still kinda spastic and shit, but you're more grounded now than you were when I first met you. There's a quiet confidence to you that you didn't have back then. And I know that was because of me leaving," Trey said before finally coming to a halt.

"And you say you're not good with words," Seth said, filling the silence, and Trey's lips quirked into a smile.

"Are we good?" he asked, relieved when Seth nodded.

"Dude, this is why you were so dead set against me telling Ryan that we were living together," Seth said as realization dawned on him. "God, I never understood why you would freak out every time I would mention it."

"Didn't stop you from telling him, though," Trey pointed out but there was no malice in his voice.

"Yeah, well I thought you were being ridiculous," Seth said and Trey shook his head. "So is this why you and Ryan don't talk much?" Seth asked and Trey leaned back into the leather seat before responding.

"Yeah, that's part of it I guess. But there's other stuff too. Ryan and I weren't that close growing up. We were when we were kids but when I got older I started hanging around with a bad crowd and I wasn't around much. There were times I didn't see Ryan for days at a time because I was never home," Trey said. "And there's a lot of resentment between us. Ryan was always the good brother, I was always the black sheep of the family. And there's resentment on Ryan's side too. I'm pretty sure he's still pissed at me for lifting that car that night and getting us arrested. Pissed at me for other stuff, too. I was a pretty crappy brother. Still am, actually," Trey said before trailing off.

"He's not mad about the car thing anymore," Seth said and Trey figured Seth must have noticed the look of disbelief on his face because he continued. "Seriously, he was mad about it for a long time, but we've been talking about stuff the last few days and he told me how in a way you stealing that car was the best thing that could have happened to him. If you hadn't stolen that car, he never would have come here to Newport, never would have met my parents and he probably wouldn't have finished high school let alone gone to college. It's weird, dude, but I guess, in a way, grand theft auto was like the best decision you ever made."

Trey snickered before fixing his eyes to the apartment complex where he noticed Ryan standing uncertainly in the doorway.

"I should probably go talk to him," Seth said, following Trey's gaze, and Trey nodded in agreement.

"While you do that I'm going to go rent us a U-Haul truck so we can transport all of this stuff to the storage unit."

"Sounds good. My dad's waiting on my mom to get back and then he said they would come to help you and Ryan clear everything out," Seth said.

"They don't have to do that," Trey said and Seth shook his head.

"Dude, they _want_ to do it. They consider you and Ryan family. And in the Cohen household family looks out for one another," Seth said.

"You're really lucky to have such great parents. I guess I am too now in a way," Trey said slowly and Seth smiled in response. Leaning in Seth kissed him quickly on the lips before opening the passenger door and making his way to Ryan.

Staring out the car, Trey watched as Seth approached Ryan, only taking off once they were both inside.

* * *

By the time he had returned with the truck Sandy and Kirsten were already there and they all managed to quickly make work of loading up the truck. It took several trips but after a few hours the apartment was empty and everyone was exhausted.

He and Ryan drove the truck back to the U-Haul lot before returning to the Cohen mansion. When they got back there was food waiting for them. Famished, they grabbed plates before joining everyone in the kitchen.

Even though Trey was exhausted it felt nice to sit around the table with everyone. They all stayed up later than they should have, given the fact that he and Seth had an early flight the next morning and Ryan had a long drive ahead of him back to Berkeley.

When they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer, Sandy and Kirsten retired to bed leaving him, Ryan and Seth alone to talk. Neither of them said much, more out of fatigue than anything else, but it had been pleasant enough and it was after 1:00 AM when they finally went to bed.

The morning arrived quickly. Ryan was the first to leave and Trey watched as Kirsten, Sandy and Seth took turns hugging his brother goodbye. There were promises to call and check in and Trey had promised to do the same when he hugged Ryan goodbye. They would be seeing each other again in a little over a month when school let out for spring break. Their mother's ashes would be delivered to his and Seth's apartment in the meantime, and then during spring break he, Seth and Ryan were planning on flying out to Hawaii. His mother had always wanted to go there, but sadly never got the chance. They had figured it would be the perfect place to scatter her remains. It would mean more shifts at the garage to cover the expenses for the flight and hotel but Trey honestly didn't mind.

After Ryan had left for Berkeley, Kirsten and Sandy drove him and Seth to the airport. There were more tearful goodbyes, on Kirsten and Sandy's part, as well as promises to call and visit. Even Trey had hugged them goodbye before they left, making sure to thank them once again for all they had done, and this time it hadn't felt as awkward as it had when he'd first arrived.

The flight back home was uneventful, and the cab ride from the airport back to the apartment was quick.

Stepping into the apartment, Trey couldn't help thinking how weird it felt to be back. The apartment felt so much smaller than he remembered after staying with the Cohens for the past several days.

It felt comforting too, like home, and Trey could feel some of the remaining tension leave his body as he toed off his shoes, and dumped his suitcases by the bedroom door.

The apartment was stuffy and he opened a few windows before heading into the bedroom. Seth was already there, his suitcase opened and Trey watched as he unpacked Captain Oats and put him back on the nightstand.

Crossing the room, he stood beside Seth. "Leave it for now," he said before wrapping his hand around Seth's arm and pulling him to the bed.

Lying back on the covers, he dragged Seth over so that he was tucked up against his side. Staring at the ceiling, he tucked one hand behind his head as he buried the other in Seth's hair, rhythmically running his fingers from the top of Seth's head down to the curls adorning the nape of his neck.

Just lying back, letting his thoughts drift, it took him awhile to realize that something was different. For the first time since finding out his mother had died, his head didn't hurt and he sighed in relief.

"Are you okay?" Seth asked quietly.

"Yeah," Trey said surprised to find it was the truth. "I mean, I'm still processing shit, and I'm still sad and the anger kinda comes and goes**, **but right now, this very moment, I'm good," he said, his eyes never leaving the ceiling.

"Good," Seth said, before lifting his head and kissing him. Deepening the kiss, Trey pulled Seth down on top of him before rolling them over.

"I love you," Seth said. Trey smiled before kissing him back, his tongue sweeping along the inside of Seth's mouth. Running his hands up under Seth's shirt, before sliding them back down to palm Seth's erection through the denim of his jeans, Trey chose to show Seth through actions rather than words that he felt the exact same way.

Fin.

_A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who has read and commented (whether at GBM, live journal or here) and who has encouraged me to continue to explore this universe that I created years ago. I've written quite a bit of fanfic over the years, for a variety of fandoms, but this one has always been my favorite. It is certainly the only fandom I keep going back to over and over again. And while this particular chapter between Trey and Seth may be over, I can still see myself writing random one-shots for this universe. Because I really adore Trey and Seth together and I'm not quite ready to let them go just yet. _

_Thanks again, _

_Jewel_


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